To those who fought before us, for those who will follow, may we never forget

What is a hero? I came across this statement and I think it defines a hero.

"The bravest are surely those who have the clearist vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet, notwithstanding, go out and meet it."

There are heroes in my family. On Sunday, December 7th, Pearl Harbor was bombed. Monday, December 8th, my Grandpa Petty enlisted in the Navy.

While only 17, my Grandpa Roy enlisted in the Marines after his older brother was killed in the war.

They both knew what enlisting meant and they went out and met it. I am so glad that I got to spend many years with both of them.

Grandpa Petty didn't talk much about the war but Grandpa Roy did. He would tell us stories about his mischief. Mostly, you had heard all the stories but every once in a while he would tell us a new one and you couldn't help but listen. My favorite part of the stories was when he would imitate his commanding officer by yelling out his last name, "Bailey!" That is where my Parker Bailey got his name from. Every once in a while I will yell out his name and am reminded of my grandpa, and I miss him. I know he would have loved my boys! (He died one month before I met Brian.)

It was Veteran's Day last week. (I have been sick for the last 5 some days so this is a tad late!) I am proud of the Veterans in my family and I hope you had a chance to thank a Vet, a hero!

So sad

It is 4:45pm and I need to turn the lights on in the house.

My bursting heart!

I am sitting here watching Parker and Tyler talk with one another and I am just struck with how intense my love for them is. I love my babies so much!

And the plot thickens...

So, lately I have been having problems with my hands. I had these same symptoms 8 years ago and it turned out to be carpal tunnel. It was only my left hand and I had the surgery and had absolutely no problems until about 2 months ago. My hands are always "falling asleep" with pain running down my arms. I also can't open or close my hands all the way. It has been painful!! So, I started the process with my doctor to diagnose carpal tunnel.

Last week I went to both rhuemetology and to physiatry. I had a nerve conduction test that revealed I have mild carpal tunnel in my left hand and moderate in my right. As a result I was sent to orthopedics to start the process for surgery. God really blessed me in this process. I have been in such pain that it has been very difficult to function during some days and the in the night I am always awakened several times by hands that have "fallen asleep." I talked with the appointment people for orthopedics on Wednesday, and they had an appointment available on Thursday. When I arrived home after that appointment, I got the mail and received a letter from the orthopedics department. It said, "The orthopedic department is a heavily requested service and we are working diligently to see that your needs are met in a timely manner. Our current wait time for an appointment is 8-12 weeks. We realize that this may come as an inconvenience to you and we appreciate your patience." I got a next day appointment! That was a God thing for sure!!!

I am now waiting for a surgery date. I have no idea when that will be. I am hoping soon!

Thank you Lord for showing yourself to me!

Halloween 2009

Halloween was a little different this year. Anthony was home sick. Some people think he just has the flu (me) while others think he has the swine flu (his father). I don't know how to tell the difference, but bottom line, my baby is sick! Because of that, Halloween felt a little empty.

Brian and I had a good time out with Parker and Tyler though. We went around a few blocks around our house. Parker went as Captain Rex from Star Wars. Tyler went as a jester. It was funny to watch them run around because Parker couldn't see out his helmet very well so he was trying to keep up with Tyler. Upon re-reading that sentence, it doesn't do it justice. I guess you had to be there. Anyhow, it was good to spend some time with just the twins.

When we got back and the boys went through all their loot, they brought me some of my favorites. They said since I didn't go trick or treating (in an actual costume) it was only fair of them to give me some candy, oh, and they also don't like those pieces! It was a good thought right until the end! Still, they shared and that made me happy.

Happy Halloween everyone! Happy Birthday Dad!

When it rains it pours!

Anyone who lives or has visited Oregon can attest to its absolute beauty. Of course, that beauty comes with a price. Rain! Lots and lots of rain.

I actually like the rain. I think it is soothing. Many people find it stressful or depressing. To me, it is only stressful when I am having a good hair day and only depressing when it gets dark!

The dark is what gets me the most. With the time changing tonight the darkness comes sooner. In the height of winter it will be dark around 4:30pm. Only 8 or 9 hours of overcast sunlight a day, that depresses me. The darkness closes in around me and can feel suffocating. It frightens me too.

It reminds me of my spiritual life. Sin brings the darkness. It surrounds me. It keeps me captive. It depresses my life. God brings the light. His mercy, grace and love surrounds me and keeps me free. It uplifts my life. Christ died so I don't have to be in darkness!

If only that worked for Oregon weather as well!

Pain

This has been a hard decision for me. I have tried to keep it to myself, but I think I need to finally make it "officially" known. So, here goes. About 3 and a half years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. If you don't know what that is, it is a chronic pain disorder. I have tried to keep it to myself because I didn't want it to impact my life. I didn't want to be defined by it. Before I was married, I worked in a doctor's office. We had a patient that had fibromyalgia and she was pale white and completely incapacitated. Her husband had to do everything for her. As the doctor gave me my diagnosis, she was the first thing I thought of. I thought that life, as I knew it, was over and I was going to become this person. I got to the car and cried. I called Brian and cried some more.

I didn't want anyone but Brian to know. As close as I am to my Dad and sister, I didn't tell them. I didn't want anything to change. Because of the diagnosis, Kaiser sent me to counseling. They helped me see the stupidity of my thoughts! I told my Dad and sister and they were, and are, super supportive. I have told very few people since then. I had my support system in place and I didn't feel like sharing the news to anyone. Unfortunately, one of the downsides of church life is that people talk. Something that I wanted to keep private was passed on to others. So, I write this knowing that some of you probably already know about it.

I am in pain every day. There is not a day that goes by that pain is not front and center. I have bad days and somewhat better days. On my bad days it feels like I have the flu. My entire body aches and my skin hurts when touched. These are the days that my muscles are so tight and painful that I just need to have them rubbed. The problem is that it hurts too much to have my skin touched.

One of the things I have the hardest time with is my physical limitations. Living with the constant pain takes a lot out of me. I am tired all the time and I never have enough energy. I am not the mom I want to be. I am not the wife I want to be. I feel like the fibromyalgia has taken those things away from me. It is a constant battle.

So, why spill the beans now? There are too many times when people want to know where I am, or why didn't I go to this, or why did she leave early from that. Well, this is why. I need to be open with others and finally accept that fibromyalgia is a part of me now. It has taken a lot of prayer to finally arrive at this point!